Busted by a Ranger!

Trail: allen

Date Hiked: 7/13/01

Conditions: muddy as usual in the 'adiRAINdacks'

Special Required Equipment: bean-o, gas x, pepto, and lots of imodium ad... camo suit to avoid detection and your VISITOR USE PERMIT!!!!!!

Comments: after hiking into the calamity brook lean-tos, i noticed that there were an abundance of bears on the prowl and i decided

not to hang my bearbag...instead, i would eat all of my food that evening. i started by devouring my gorp, then came a healthy serving of 'veggie pork and organic beans' (128 ounces worth!) the friendly folks that i shared the lean-to with couldn't believe that a man could put down so much chow! I awoke in the middle of the night with gut-wrenching cramps and bad gas. the only good to come out of it was that the deer flies and the bears left me alone.. as did my nose-pinching lean-to mates..(sorry guys!) the next morning, the cramps bent me over as if i was kicked by a horse!! but i was still determined to summit allen. after passing allen brook, i was feeling miserable!! a short while after, i ran into a ranger coming off the summit. i asked him "how much further to the top?". he said, "45 minutes.." and then he asked, "where's your visiter use permit?! " what the hell was he talking about??? i guess i was supposed to fill one of these things out at the trail register. he then told me that i had to turn around!?! WHAT!!!!!! WAS HE CRAZY??? so i told him i would, and quickly hiked back to the falls where i hid in the bushes. :) unfortunately, my gut was churning by this time.. i tried
to be as quiet as possible, butt my flatulence got the best of me..and i was busted!! the ranger was really mad, and gave me a personal escort out of the woods! he also gave me a ticket and a BIG fine! thanks pal.. didn't think hiking was a crime!!

Submitted by: richard bern