Air Sharks!

Trail: allen

Date Hiked: 6/13/01

Conditions: hot, hazy, and humid. lots of mud, and tons of black flies!!

Special Required Equipment: mosquito nets, a fly swatter, a bug zapper, a venus fly trap, a swarm of bats, citronella candles, deet, deep woods off, cutter, skin so soft, raid, repel, and a plane load of ddt dumped over allen!!!

Comments: after my last bad trip, i figured that i could handle anything that allen had to dish

out. after reading the recent reports on allen, the consensus was that the black flies in the area were at record numbers. i consulted one of my colleagues, who is an insectologist at n.y.u., and he stated that i should bathe in pig fat before hitting the trail. arriving at the trailhead, i smeared myself in the swine's stinking slop. no blackflies were gonna bug me! heading up the trail, the air sharks started to swarm!! climbing over some blowdown, the flies surrounded me...i was being stalked! as i was swatting and screaming, i lost my balance, slipped, fell, and hit my head on a stump. time must have passed before i was roused by the voice of a man saying,"bon-jour, bon-jour!". he was a french canadian...and he had saved my life! i didn't have the strength to say "hello", or even to utter a word for that matter. he carried me six miles to safety! those damn black flies had sucked 2 pints of blood out of my body, and had been bitten me 1342 times, according to my doctors! the nurses had to strap me down to the gurney, so that i wouldn't scratch myself to death! to my colleague: ha-ha! that was a good one! (you s.o.b!). to the canadian that hiked me out: HI!

Submitted by: richard bern